February 8, 2022 5:31 PM PST
How to Play Bunker (a condensed three stop process)
Method One: The Formulaic Equation of The Bunker
So you're now in a situation where you are having fun, perhaps with friends and suddenly you find yourself at the Staging Area (of to where you are deciding what maps to play) with 3 options showing below (This shall hitherto be referred to as a the voting menu irrespective of official name). These options aren't like the other times you have fun though sport, these options require math. Invariably if you a reading this you are seeking information of how to properly play Bunker and thus you need to know the mathematical equation that should dictate your vote as shown below.
A^om = Alternative official map
B = Bunker Map
C = Custom map
∞ = Everything else in the known universe that is not B
Now B will always be set to 0, should B exceed 0, understand that you have now entered dangerous territory and you may need to abort. If you cast a vote for B, understand that you have made a mathematical error and should correct it as soon as possible.
Rule Set One: B = 0
The Bunker Map Conundrum:
One might observe in the situation where option B = A^om, for the time being we shall refer to this as the Bunker Secretlab Conundrum, ( also sometimes conflated with the Bunker Dustland equation ), and thus you might be tempted to bet on the solution of B = A^om < C.B = A^om -------------> B = A^om < C(a possible solution to the Conundrum)This conundrum has been a matter of heated debate within the mathematics & physics community alike, due to the fact that this solution could actually result in unfortunate twist of fate where B = C; obviously quite a nightmare. Should one chose to risk this situation and end up with the result of B = C, one should look to the top left of their keyboard, hit the button titled "escape", and leave the entire match. It is for this reason, that should a Bunker Secretlab situation present itself, sometimes it is better and more logical to reason that B < A^om.
The Only Proven Formulaic Equation for Bunker:
By memorizing this mathematical proof of how to play Bunker you can never fail:B< ∞Learn it, memorize it, love it, and you will be on your way to being a PRO at playing in Bunker.
Method Two: Diplomacy By Other Means
The second situation is a dire one. Despite the airtight reasoning of the former method, others in the staging area have made either the decision erroneously or God forbid, deliberately, decide to vote against Bunker. A dire situation indeed, as it has already been previously proven this is not how you play Bunker.Following on the teachings of one of the greatest God Illumed minds to ever grace combat and its intellectual halls, one may need to turn to the teachings of the great Carl Von Clausewitz[en.wikipedia.org] and extend ones will within diplomacy by other means.
So The Bunker map is Loading
This is refered to as a CODE RED.You do not have much time before Bunker loads, and this is not how you play Bunker. Many in the past have resorted to panicked incoherent & confused screaming, but this solution has been proven to be far more effective.
STEP ONE: ALT +F4
This trick was put into your battle station by the Bill Gates himself in the event that this situation should ever unfold. You will need to take your fingers and carefully but quickly position them over the appropriate locations illustrated below.
This is otherwise referred to as CRTL + ALT + DELETE.
STEP TWO: SELECT & END PROCESS
By using the hidden command you should see a screen which will prompt you to select the TASK MANAGER. You must select this or your fate is sealed and you won't be a good Bunker Player.This will reveal a secret window that reveals all current process's your little potato masher PC is doing. Use the scroll wheel and go down till you see the browser icon. Scroll over it with your mouse, select the program, and click end task. A second window will appear and you must smash left mouse to confirm the command.
STEP THREE: REBOOT AND REMEMBER B < ∞
This step is fairly easy and should be self explanatory but you might also want to think about calling up your mother and father to tell them you love them because you just cut it pretty close back there and you don't know how much time you have left.
Method Three: Codename Little Boy
On August 6th 1945 at the what is now universally considered the tail end of WW2, the USF dropped the Atomic Bomb codenamed Little Boy[en.wikipedia.org] on the Japanese City of Hiroshima via the aircraft Enola ***. Approximate estimates indicate that 66,000 people were killed as a direct result with nearly an identical 69,000 injured after by the blast; this does not take into account the radiation and its lasting effect on the populace. Even with thousands of human beings incinerated in an instant, USAF and Allied Intel still deemed the bombing of Hiroshima as a more humane act than deciding to play Bunker.This final method is for the most advanced of Bunker players who are already masters of Method One & Two.
REQUIREMENTS
- A voting block of 2 people and Up (Most normies have NPC tier intelligence and won't vote anyway)
- A target of hatred
- A will to live with yourself after the Demon you've become.
METHODOLOGY IN BREIF
You are in a situation in which you are facing an extremely un-cunny funt. Be it a Primed Carbine user or worse yet, the Trash-talking Sniper Pro whose more smack talk than human. These creatures should be considered enemies of the state as it is, but should they decide to get uppity or display poor sportsmanship or similar behavior, strongly consider Little Boying them.
This situation is very circumstantial but should you find yourself with these cretins again in the staging area or they exhibit this behavior early, while Bunker is an option, use your parties voting power to swing the game to Bunker. Then when they decide against bunker after a few seconds, remove you from the discord call and block you from all further messages.
This post was edited by f0rsaken at February 8, 2022 7:47 PM PST
