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Painrise

    • 144 posts
    May 26, 2023 5:44 PM PDT

    A sequal to Curserise

    This is a parody, don't take it seriously. 

     

     

    Flamethrower has infinite range

     

    MiniG that shoots M67s

     

    UMP-41: An assault rifle. Stats: Head = ∞, Torso = ∞, Limbs = -1, Maximum damage: ∞, Radius: sin(∞)

     

    Trapmines that detonate only if you actually step on them

     

    Humvee requires 2 drivers and someone to push

     

    Jet but realistic aero model. (Since Jet has a delta wing, we can assume it is designed to go supersonic. However, Jet only has a max speed of around 69 kilometers per hour. Nice. Delta wings trade lift and drag at lower speeds for performance at higher speeds, so technically the Jet is unable to take off at all. It will drop like a brick faster than the recession can occur. Assuming the Jet weighs 100 kilogram (to account for the fact that it can only be easily pushed by a player with a shield), it will scrape against the ground with a force of 981 Newtons. We can also see that there are 4 missiles of unknown type, that can deal approximately 150 damage to vehicles. Scraping against the ground, especially at 69 kilometers per hour, will cause the missile to detonate. We will now define the skill level of pilots from a range of 0 to 100, where 0 defined as they do not know how to obtain a jet pass, and 100 defined as they are a real life qualified US Navy carrier based Boeing F/A-18E/F Super Hornet pilot. Based on a totally biased survey of 0.028 people, and accounting for discrepancy in the data due to unbiased reports, we can conclude that the average (arithmetic mean) of the standard pilot is -0.2, with a standard deviation of 1.5. Based on this survey and fourth party danger reports, we can conclude that the jet will undergo spontaneous unscheduled rapid disassembly, or RUD, resulting in the sound Warmerise/Unity/totallylegiturl/assets/sound/vehicle_explosion.ogg being broadcasted)

     

    Knife but you can spam click it

     

    Unregistered players can get xp, and sell it for real money

     

    Warmerise gets bought by EA for a killer deal of $1000. They then lock the full game behind a €25 paywall. 

     

    In game ads (watch a 15 second ad to respawn)


    This post was edited by Stoplookin9 at May 26, 2023 5:46 PM PDT
    • 954 posts
    May 26, 2023 6:06 PM PDT
    That is very painful indeed